really what it is is i want someone to love me because i”m so shit at loving myself. i want to do for someone the things i’ve always wished someone would do for me.
If you wouldn’t mind, please spare a kind thought, prayer, incantation, etc. for my family and I as we deal with the death of a loved one. Thank you.
this self-loathing shit is so tired. and i know that it’s stupid and i know objectively speaking that i’m not human garbage and yet i feel totally worthless.
what kind of shit is this?
Haven’t been posting much the last few days because I’m in Fort Worth at my uncle’s death bed dealing with major family drama. Should be home soon, though.
Current Mood: half-empty bottle of whiskey and a dog-eared copy of The Bell Jar.
Do you know what’s the most heart wrenching thing to know about yourself? It is your innate ability to always care more in any given relationship, through no fault of the other person. You are raw, and your feelings are more like white hot nerves than anything else you could describe. All you want is one time, just one time, to know that you are not inherently flawed and doomed to small misery to small misery.
Does anyone else feel like that? Do my fellow INFJs/INFPs have this problem?
The constant struggle between hating yourself and hating the world you live in. I feel inept and impotent. Purposeless and puny. Inconsequential. I want to go to sleep and stay that way… but I keep waking up and I keep hoping that I’ll find the reason. I fear I never will.
I want to draw but I hate everything I draw.
I want to write, but I can’t get a single sentence out.
I feel empty.