Home. Finally.

Finding it increasingly difficult to deal with people. Why am I so melodramatic? Why is my mood so fragile? Why am I so envious and bitter towards others?

I don’t know, but I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

[099.] About once or twice a day I realize I live in a VERY heteronormative world and experience such a soulcrushing forlorn feeling that I wish I could just feel NOTHING romantic or sexual towards another person because the ‘system’ (as it were) is completely stacked against me.

I think it’s tied to specific childhood traumas, but yeah. And there are odd and unfortunate side effects of it, too. Like seeing straight people in love or doing anything intimate is basically a depression trigger for me. It’s totally fucked up and makes me incredibly sad, but yeah. And I wish I could stop crushing on every male I see because nothing is ever going to come of it. And the guys around here who at least SHARE my orientation are so disinterested in guys like me that I might as well be invisible or not exist at all.

I realize none of this really makes any logical sense, but when do I ever?

Call centers seriously suck, y’all. I mean really.

I can’t even ‘wind down’ after being on the damn phone all day. I’m exhausted, but I feel like I haven’t done anything. Ugh.

Pretty sure my mother just broke my damn phone.

And I’m fairly certain she won’t be the one to replace it. I am NOT working to buy a new phone I rarely use anyway. I guess I just won’t have a damn phone anymore.

I have the strongest urge to delete my Facebook (or at least a bunch of people on it) right now…

But I can never commit to that sort of thing. My thing is this: you wanted to be MY friend (obviously never knowing the first thing about me or giving a fuck), you added me and I accepted. You need to be the one to remove yourself from my friend’s list.

I hate needless confrontation. If it happens, I initiate full on “IDGAF” mode and say shit I know is cutting and ‘below the belt’. Like homegurl, who apparently DOES think well enough of liberal progression to use birth control, but either isn’t wise enough or diligent enough for it to work. She has two kids and the one she just had she OBVIOUSLY didn’t want. Like, it was so obvious how unhappy she was, but she’s a good Christian girl, so once the bun was in the oven, she had no other choice. She’ll grow to love the child, of course… She won’t resent him at all… Yeah. Totally.

And then there’s this other ass with questionable hygiene who says he hates Fox News and Republicans but spouts the same sewage everybody in the GOP does. He listens to nothing but Christian music, watches nothing but sports, and doesn’t read. He’s dumber than a box of rocks… Today he posted that gorgeous (and, ngl, hot) picture of the gay serviceman reuniting with his partner… with the kiss censored and some bullshit about how letting gays serve openly will bring the country to its knees or some bullshit. I ~unsubscribed~ from him, but I haven’t unfriended him… I just don’t like having that responsibility.

I barely get on FB to begin with (and this is why), but isn’t this, like, the complete opposite of what the original purpose of the site was? Well, before they sold out to Google so Big Brother can track your interests and try to sell you shit…

I just fucking CAN’T. Get me the fuck OUT OF HERE.